Lust is like a nasty monster that lives in your heart. If you feed it, he gets fatter and eventually overcomes you. If you starve it, then he’ll waste away to nothing and you’ll win those battles with pornography much easier. So, how do you win that battle with porn? You bounce your eyes—turn and look the other way.
That was the gist of how I was taught (and in turn taught others) to battle lust and pornography. While I do believe there is some warrant to this teaching, I believe now that it is largely incomplete.
First of all, lust isn’t a monster that gets obese when fed and skinny when ignored. He gets louder when you ignore him. He’ll make you think more about porn and not less; at least until you feed him, then he’ll mock you and go about his merry way. Lust is not a monster that needs to be deprived, it is a rebel that needs to be actively slain.
Secondly, you lust and/or or indulge in pornography because you have a problem with objectifying a person. It is impossible to look at porn and not objectify a woman or a man. This is why “bouncing the eyes” is incomplete advice. It continues to objectify people. All you are doing is telling yourself “no” to an object.
We like to use Psalm 101:3 to remind ourselves of our covenant to “set no unclean thing before our eyes”. The unclean thing, we imagine, includes the objects of our lust.
Granted, those engaging in sinful sexual acts might be “unclean”, but they certainly are not things. They are people created in the image of God. Some of these “unclean things” aren’t who you think they are. They are scared little girls thrust onto the screen, or in front of a camera, against their desires.
She doesn’t need you to simply “bounce your eyes”. She needs to be seen as a person, created in the image of God. Even if she is sinning of her own accord. She needs rescue.
Healing
Listen, if you stop at “bouncing your eyes” and think you have conquered your porn problem you haven’t. We aren’t fully healed until we stop seeing men and women as objects.
Real healing is found in a Person.
You and I need Jesus Christ to pour His grace upon us. We need forgiveness for the way that we’ve made shipwreck of God’s good gift. The guilt of our sin needs to be removed from us as far as the east is from the west. This is what Jesus loves to do. He loves to wash those that have engaged in the vilest of sexual acts and viewed the worst of pornography.
Only through Jesus Christ is the monster of lust decisively slain. And only through Jesus Christ do we regain our true identity. If you are in Jesus Christ, your fundamental identity isn’t as a “porn watcher”. Your fundamental identity is as one that has been washed—you are redeemed. And that is your identity no matter how many hours of porn you watch after coming to know Jesus.
Furthermore, it is through Jesus Christ that our minds are restored. It is through Him that we are able to view men and women as His creation and not as objects of our desire. If we are to win the battle with lust, He can (and must) change our view of people. This he does.
Marriage won’t fix your heart. Bouncing your eyes won’t fix your heart. Accountability groups won’t fix your heart. Only Jesus Christ. Fight with Him. Yes, you might need to do various things like unplugging your computer, not going to the beach, and turning your eyes on occasion. (That’s the axe work). But that is incomplete. You need Jesus to transform that which you view as objects into people.
Great post, although I did have to google “bounce your eyes” to find out what you meant in the first place! (Good explanation at http://newlife.com/bounce-your-eyes ). I agree entirely with you – as a wise man once said, Jesus doesn’t want you to manage your sin, He wants you to kill it.
I had never heard the phrase “bounce your eyes” either. Thanks for the link.
Yes, thanks for the link to define “bounce your eyes.” Having no prior experience with the phrase, I was a bit lost at first.
Porn has ruined my life. It has lead to sins that a long, long time ago I never thought I would do. I have strayed so far away from God I believe it’s too late for me and that I have sinned so much in this area my heart is so hardened that I can’t repent. I’ve tried to cry out to the Lord but it’s like there is no use. It’s like I’m crying out but then I get discouraged, so full of self-pity and depression b/c I feel like God is gone forever from my life. I feel so hopeless.
Brian, I will be praying for you. I don’t struggle with porn but I greatly struggle with self -pity and depression and the only thing that can get my eyes off of myself is Jesus. Going to Jesus is our only hope. He does not turn anyone away who comes to him. The more we look to him, the more we can see his own majesty and not struggle as much with our inability. It is never too late to come to Jesus.
I don’t even know if I’m truly a Christian b/c if I was then why do I keep going to porn, why do I keep getting angry and bitter at other people, why do I keep on lusting?
Brian,
I don’t know if you are truly a Christian either. But the answer is the same either way. Repent and believe in the Lord Jesus Christ and you will be saved.
If we confess our sins He is faithful and just to forgive us and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. Jesus has the power to cleanse you, Brian. Do you believe that?
Do I believe that Jesus has the power to cleanse me? I’ve fell into doubt for so long now that I don’t even know anymore. I’m just really confused. I’ve cried out to God but then stopped because everytime I cried out I got discouraged b/c I felt like I was just crying out and talking to myself. I doubt His love for me, I doubt whether He is willing to help me, I doubt whether He will save me if I’m not saved, I doubt whether He will give me assurance if I am saved.
Crying out is part of what you need to do. But repentance also requires action. You are addicted to porn. You need to treat this like an addiction and seek God for his help in fighting the addiction.
But do not mistake the grip that this addiction has on you with evidence that you are not a Christian or that God does not hear you. The fact that you desire obedience in your heart is a good indication of being a Christian – now build on that and take action. Find resources to help you fight the addiction – this requires physical change and also heart change.
To be honest Michael, I’ve been doubting whether there is hope for me for so long and I’ve fallen into much despair, depression, and discouragement I feel like throwing in the towel and giving up.
Ya. I remember those feelings. I hurt for you. I do.
It reminds me of my own struggle. All I can tell you is that your past failures and futility is no indication at all of what God would do for you. Careful not to project your own limitations onto God. He can do all things.
There is hope for you. In it is the power of Christ. But you should not do this alone. You need to connect with someone in your church or through counseling.
I guess I’ll just start reading God’s Word again. . . I guess that’s a start. Even though, to be honest, I’m too down to even read it
And, to be honest, that is a pride problem.
I tell you this only because I have been there and I know from first hand experience. I see you trying way too much of this yourself. You are likely bouncing back and forth between a full dose of self-righteous determination and then falling back into sin and depression again and again. The cycle of sin/repent is cause for concern and it is also exhausting. Giving up seems like a much better choice sometimes rather than fighting what seems like a hopelessly lost battle.
Yes, Brian. Put down your pride – that thing that tells you that YOU can do this – and pick up the Bible. Humble yourself by acknowledging that YOU can never win this. There is a supernatural battle going on for your soul and only when you start with the Word of God are you putting on the armour that allows you to fight.
And seriously, read the books I suggested above – follow the practical steps and get into a church where you can work through this with other like minded people. We are not meant to fight through this life on our own. That is why God gave us a church.
Open your Bible. Go to your church. Confess. Stop fighting this fight as though YOU need to win and put Christ front and center. I know how hard that is, but I also know that it is the only way.
ok big bro, thank you. It’s been a long, long time since I attended church. I would like to go back to church again but I’m terrified b/c I feel like I’m going to be ignored, rejected and abandoned the first time I step into a church. But I will try to go back.
I am not sure where you are from or what kind of church you are familiar with, but I assure you that a real church – a gospel centered church – welcomes people who struggle with sin and will rejoice with you in your confession and repentance. There is power in that.
Please check out the prospective church online first and be sure of what you are walking into. I would not want you to have a bad experience that pushes you further away. Read the Bible and pray as you make your choice and trust that God will lead you if you humbly desire to follow him.
I do not know you, but today I will pray for you.
Be blessed. You are loved.
Brian, I know something of this battle, and reading God’s Word is exactly what you need to do. You need to take hold of His promises, for they are for YOU. One of the most beneficial things I’ve ever learned is that I shouldn’t expect God to answer in a blaze of glory or for the weight to be magically lifted without taking refuge in His promises. If you’ve sat down recently and read His Word, He spoke. You must be prayerful and be attentive to what He is saying. Take up the Sword of the Spirit, memorize the Word of God! For how can you win a fight without a weapon? Much less a fight of this magnitude? Don’t you dare give up, brother. Christ did not die for us to revel in our guilt; He nailed it to the cross, so we must leave it there. Be resolved to cut off and pluck out for His sake! Lastly, you absolutely must find a Gospel-centered Church to join and commune with. God’s means of sanctifying grace are not only in our private study and prayer, but our corporate study and prayer, observing the Lord’s Supper, and primarily, the preached Word. Christ is fighting for you, don’t lose hope.
Brian, I don’t think you have given up hope. Nor do I think you really believe that change isn’t possible. Otherwise I doubt that you’d comment on this blog, or have even read it. You’re sticking around for a reason, bro.
Porn leads to much despair. It’s lies run deep. Michael is right. This is an addiction and needs to be treated as such. You need far more than will power to conquer this. You need Jesus. You need Jesus working through a local church.
Don’t give up, man. There is freedom. And even though you may not feel it right now, trapped in this prison camp, the decisive victory has been won. Rescue is coming.
Mike, can a true Christian really become “addicted” to porn? If that is the case wouldn’t that mean that he has become a slave to porn? A true Christian can’t become a slave to sin.
Brian,
Yes, I believe that a true Christian can be addicted to porn — just as a true Christian can became an alcoholic, a compulsive gambler, or a drug addict. Even secular researchers are noticing the chemical dependency pornography use can create. There’s a difference between abandoning yourself to pornography and having a long-term struggle with it. A struggle presumes that you are convicted about porn use and are fighting it. As John Piper puts it, being a Christian doesn’t mean you reach sinless perfection on earth, but it does mean you fight the sin you see in your life. If you didn’t care about the sin and were content to embrace it, there would be reason to question whether you are in fellowship with God. But like Mike said, your response either way is to confess your sin and place your faith in what Jesus has done for you on the cross. Believe as much as you can and ask God to help your unbelief. It’s a strategy of Satan to cause you to think it’s useless to cry out to God. Romans 10:9-12 says that everyone who cries out to God in Christ for salvation will be saved and no one who believes in Him will be put to shame.
Brian, I’ve been a follower of Jesus since I was fourteen. I’ve struggled with pornography addiction and compulsive sexual behavior since I was ten. Until 2009, I was in vocational ministry for all of my adult life. It is not only possible, but quite common, for a true Christian to be addicted to porn. (You can read more of my story here if you would like: http://www.nakedandunashamed.us/about/ )
Paul wrote to the believers in Rome, “Let not sin therefore reign in your mortal body, to make you obey its passions. Do not present your members to sin as instruments for unrighteousness, but present yourselves to God as those who have been brought from death to life, and your members to God as instruments for righteousness,” (Romans 6:12-13). If it were not possible for a true Christian to become enslaved by sin, there would have been no reason for Paul to admonish the Roman believers in this way. The caveat is that a Christian who becomes enslaved to any sin will be compartmentalized to varying degrees. I became so compartmentalized that I often wondered if I suffered from multiple personality disorder or bi-polar disorder.
Porn is a particularly enticing slave-master. It preys upon legitimate needs that God “wired” into us – the need for affirmation, acceptance, approval, significance, value, adequacy, etc. Without conscious awareness that we even have these needs, the part of our brain that processes “need/response” is stimulated when we are exposed to pornography. Our brain tells us that a legitimate need is being met. It doesn’t distinguish between right or wrong, or healthy or unhealthy, ways to meet that need. It simply registers that whatever was experienced met a need. After repeating this process many times, the experience that meets this need becomes ingrained in our neural pathways and we begin to unconsciously seek it. This is why “bouncing the eyes” is a woefully inadequate response to porn and lust, as Mike stated in his post.
You first need to KNOW that you are accepted, loved, valued, and approved by God in Christ. This acceptance, love, value and approval is not based upon anything in you, good or bad. It is based solely on the gracious heart of the Father who gives them to you though his Son. Don’t worry about how dirty you feel or how ashamed you are. God knows, and he continues to reach out and draw you to himself. He’s a father who overlooks the sight (and smell) of a son covered in pig excrement and embraces him and clothes him in his most luxurious garment, and then throws a lavish party for him. Don’t buy the lie that you’ve gone too far. You simply need to turn around, then you’ll find that he’s been right there with you all along.
I feel your pain brother. I have been there. I had been losing a fight with porn
for well over a decade (closer to two decades actually). It eventually cost me
my marriage. It hurt me and it hurt the ones closest to me. I too had cried out
to God many times and found nothing was changing.
But one day, by the grace of God, it did change. I attended Biblical counseling
in an attempt to save my marriage. I did not go in thinking that I would talk
about porn, but that is what happened. In confessing the sin to others – first
the counselor and then my church etc. – I found the starting blocks for real
change. Since then I have come to realize that repentance from serious sins
includes confessing those sins to others, and the bigger the sin, the more it
needs to be confessed to others. That has a way of drawing it into the light.
Many years have passed since then. I now have what people would call
“victory” over porn. But the scars it left on my life will never be
fully healed in this lifetime and, sadly, it will always be a sin which is
front and center in the devil’s attacks on me. I am 46 years old and very
thankful to have “overcome” porn, but I also realize now that the
fight against it will continue to be a lifelong struggle and if I ever forget
that or take the “victory” for granted I am most susceptible to
backsliding.
There are great resources out there. I would like to commend two books to you that I have found to be the best on this subject.
1. Sexual Detox from Tim Challies http://www.amazon.ca/Sexual-Detox-Guide-Guys-Sick/dp/1453807284
2. Finally Free from Heath Lambert http://www.amazon.ca/Finally-Free-Heath-Lambert/dp/0310499232/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1382531658&sr=1-1&keywords=finally+free
My advice to you is that you go to your church (and if you are not in a church then change that quickly) and sit down with someone and confess. The reaction you get will not be what you are expecting. Christians know that there is beauty in confessing sin and praying together for repentance.
May you be blessed as you continue your fight.
Thanks for letting me know that “bouncing the eyes” isn’t a very well known phrase. I’ve updated the article a tad to help with that. Appreciate the feedback.
I would like to see more resources discussing what “victory” over lust and pornography really is. Evangelicals treat pornography differently than other sins, and I wonder if our approach is unbalanced and actually discourages people like Brian. Pornography is sinful and destructive for many reasons, and I appreciate the fact that the church is becoming increasingly outspoken about it. But that outspokenness has nearly reached the point of being ubiquitous, and almost all the blog posts, books, and articles I’ve read are content to discuss why pornography is bad, how we can stop looking at it, and then end the discussion there. (Mike, I’m not saying your article does this, because you actually focus on the forgiveness we have in Christ and how that perspective helps us look at others in that light.) I know of no other sin that is as prevalent and stigmatized as pornography. There may be more common sins, and more taboo ones, but none that combine the two so powerfully as porn.
If you define victory as simply never looking at porn again, it misses the mark. Do we encourage people to gain victory over pride, gossip, or anger, expecting them never to commit those sins again as long as they live? I know first hand that people get very discouraged in the battle against porn when they go a week, a month, or a year or more without looking and then have a setback — making them think that their “victory” was fake or is now lost and that they must start all over again. On the other hand, abstaining from porn can create a false sense of victory; the person may not look at porn but may still harbor lust in his heart.
I believe the Christian’s ultimate victory over porn lies in the past and in the future. Jesus has already won the victory on the cross and through His resurrection. The penalty for porn has been paid. And we look forward to the day when, because of what Christ has already done, we will finally be free from the presence of all sin, including pornography. Thank God, it won’t be an issue in Heaven. Yes, there is an ongoing victory for us to experience in the here and now (the axe work as you put it, Mike). I would like to see more authors and pastors talk about how current sanctification fits within this bigger framework and what “victory” is on a day-to-day basis. For what it’s worth, I would describe it as a growing love for Christ and those made in God’s image that makes purity more desirable than pornography.
Well said. Great points. I agree.
Overcoming Sin and Temptation by John Owen is a great reference to this. Especially the first book (Three in one) where Owen deals with Mortifying our sins, and what it really means to ‘kill’ your sin as you put it Mike.
Hi Mike,
I appreciate
Hi Mike,
Hi Mike,
I appreciate your post a lot.
However, I am confused somewhat. I recently heard someone talking about the “bouncing your eyes” thing in reference to lust in general as opposed to specifically looking at porn. Can your point about not objectifying persons be extended to beyond porn to lust in any situation?
Also, how is lust do to objectifying someone different than the attraction a person has for their spouse?
Thanks,
Chris
Chris,
Thanks for the comment. My main point here is that “bouncing the eyes” doesn’t actually address the heart. One of the root issues to lust and to porn is objectifying women. So, yes I believe “lust in any situation” happens because of objectifying women.
As far as marriage–I think that just because a guy is married to a woman it doesn’t mean that he doesn’t objectify her. Men objectify their wives all the time. Being physically attracted to your spouse is not objectifying her. Being physically attracted to your spouse apart from love, respect, edification, etc. is objectifying her. Does that make sense?
mike
Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. As a woman who has experienced a life full of sexual assault throughout childhood to young adulthood, this article brought healing tears to my eyes. I’m married and have an incredible husband who has chosen to see woman as soul-filled human beings created in God’s image rather than objects. I’ve been so proud of his fight against the temptation to assault/objectify women. He’s had a past struggle with lust and it’s only when he’s loving Jesus that he’s empowered to be a protector of women rather than abuser. He does not boast in his victory as he knows he can fall into sin. But he lives above reproach before me. It’s a heart issue! Men, please rise up as our PROTECTORS! Fight against the SLAVERY that is going on right now – sex slaves are real and the porn industry has created the market to buy and sell human females and males. We need YOU. Rise to God’s call on your lives to protect us rather than view us as objects! We are your wives, mothers, daughters, sisters, aunts. Jesus will cleanse your heart and mind. Perfect love casts out fear!
When our focus is on Christ, it lessens the pressure of “not sinning.” Good post!
Great article. While I do agree 100% we need Jesus, all men need accountability and someone to be their mentor as well as a group of other men to build us up and grow with. I say you need both. I have done, and still do, a class called bouncing eye’s that we started back in the early 90″s before porn was at everyone’s fingertips. Even then, porn and everyday lust was prevalent in so many Christian men that when the smart phones came out I even knew people that were contemplating going into business selling this trash! Church going so-called Christians. I was floored.
Raising 6 children has taught me alot, most of which is there needs to be a balance of this….LOTS and LOTS of Jesus, small groups for learning and sharing and refreshing our minds of what we already know, and “reporting” or having a mentor you can fully trust to help guide you through your daily walk with Jesus. I suffered through drugs and alcohol for years and until I came to the point where I could just be honest out loud to another man and verbalize my sins. Previously, I was spinning my wheels.
All great info and this is an epidemic for our youth. You may or may not know this but there are 8 yr old boy’s HEAVILY addicted to porn in every single school in our country.