Lord, come with Your fire,
Burn my desires; refine me
Lord, my will has deceived me
Please come and free me
Come rescue this child
For I long to be reconciled to You-Jennifer Knapp, Refine Me
The gritty music of Jennifer Knapp was the soundtrack of my early Christian life. I shed many tears listening to her albums. Some were tears of repentance. Others were tears of joy as I realized the truth of the gospel. All of them were tears of desperation.
I thought of Jennifer Knapp again the other day when I read that the lead singer of Everyday Sunday had written a letter to his fans announcing that he was gay. He follows the path of a growing number of former/current Christian musicians, like Jennifer Knapp, who gave up the struggle.
I know what I’m about to write will put me in the category of bigot, hater, narrow-minded and a host of other not so loving labels. The decision of Knapp and Pearson (the lead singer of Everyday Sunday) is to be celebrated we are told. Though they themselves claim to still be on the journey, in the opinion of many they have already reached the zenith of American spirituality. They have found themselves. And rather than caving in to the fear and oppression of ancient words, they’ve chosen the path of being true to themselves. They will fight who they are no more.
And this is what makes me weep.
Their struggle was my struggle. Not the struggle to be heterosexual but the struggle to be holy. The struggle to have my desires burned. To be refined. To deny my self in areas where I knew the Scriptures were calling me to be a different man than I was being. To be pure.
Her lyrics carried me through some of those times. I prayed along with her that God would refine me. And he did. Time and time again. I still found “room upon that knee”. I found that through Christ I was accepted and loved even in the midst of my struggle. But I found, as I sat upon that knee, that my Father wasn’t content with me dabbling in fleeting pleasures. He was radically dedicated to my eternal enjoyment of Him and he was willing to put me through the fire to burn away the dross of ungodliness. He is still doing this. Yes, he is refining me.
What I heard from Jennifer Knapp was that she was giving up the fight. This was who she was and it wasn’t going to be refined. There wasn’t really a struggle in this area anymore. Her struggle is more about being authentic. Pearson’s letter is similar to Knapp’s interview with CT. At one point he says, “I can’t change how I am”. To him the most loving thing to do was to leave his spouse and live his life as a gay man. He goes on to say, “I know I have a long way to go. But if this honesty with myself about who I am, and who I was made by God to be, doesn’t constitute as the peace that passes all understanding, then I don’t know what does.”
This fits perfectly within the narrative of our culture. But it does not fit with Scripture. This idea of “accepting myself” runs absolutely counter to Jesus’ call to deny ourselves. Where in Scripture are we told that the Christian life is about “finding ourselves” or “accepting ourselves”? It is the exact opposite. Paul’s ambition was to be found in Christ. Jesus’ call was to crucify ourselves.
I’m seeing more and more young people follow the path of Knapp and Pearson. It’s becoming quite the broad road. And this broad road isn’t labeled homosexuality. This broad road is labeled “accepting myself”. That is the foundational doctrine of this American heresy. And it is swallowing up more and more of those my age and younger. It’s a doctrine which runs away from the Refiner’s fire.
But I ask, where is the Cross in all of this? Is it your Cross to fight the way this backwards church views you on your road to accepting yourself? Is that what Jesus told you to take up? Or is it the Cross of inordinate desires (both gay and straight)? Is it the Cross which calls us to deny ourselves—to slay every desire which isn’t in conformity to Christ, even desires which seem to be the very fabric of our being?
I’m convinced that the Scriptures are true and sin has touched me to the core. I’m also convinced that Jesus is redeeming me to the core. Which means he isn’t about to let me be comfortable with who I am as a marred image bearer. He’s after me getting more comfortable in my new identity which is diametrically opposed to the old. That is the cross I bear daily.
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Photo source: here
I agree with you Mike. Jennifer Knapp’s music was the soundtrack to my early Christian experience too, and I felt the same sense of disappointment that here was a Christian who was giving up the fight to be holy. It is not the end of her story, of course, but for the moment I have to say that she has chosen the cultural mantra of self-fulfillment over the biblical teaching of self-denial. It saddens me, and although I can appreciate that she has battled with her sexual identity for many years, that does not excuse giving up the fight for holiness now. You are right to suggest that this kind of road is widening, and there is a great deal of sympathy out there for people who are willing to own who they are; both in the church and in the world. However, at heart the Christian faith is about a new identity in Christ and gradual life-transformation. I can understand if the world does not get that, but Christians should surely know better. We, of all people, should know that our deepest sense of identity is found in Christ, not our sexuality; and we do not buy into the agenda that says “accept me as I am and don’t expect me to change.” The gospel does accept us as we are, but God does expect us to change, and he does give us the power to change. By change, of course, I do not necessarily mean the power to change our sexual hard-wiring, although I do think that is possible with God; but I mean the power to change our lives; the power to bring them more and more in line with his revealed will and purpose. I dare say this is an unpopular view, but to deny ourselves is part of what it means to be a Christian; and if we can believe Jesus, self-denial is the pathway to self-fulfillment in Christ.
Amen.
“For you have died, and your life is hidden with Christ in God. “- Colossians 3:3 (ESV)
This absolutely fits wigh scripture. Jesus died for all. The scriptures don’t prohibit homosexuality as it exists in today’s society, but prohibits some of the practices in the past. I pray for Jesus to open your heart.
Bryan, as Chris posted below homosexuality is not in keeping with God’s design or morality. It is sin before God. Sam Alberry was written well and said much about this as a celibate man, a pastor, who fights same sex attraction.
//The scriptures don’t prohibit homosexuality as it exists in today’s society, but prohibits some of the practices in the past//
How do you reconcile that with: 1 Corinthians 6:9-11; Romans 15:4; Romans 1:18-32; 1 Timothy 1:9; Mark 10:6; Jude 1:7;
God’s standards of holiness did not change with the coming of Jesus, because God does not change (Malachi 3:6; Hebrews 13:8). The New Testament is a continuing revelation of God’s interaction with humanity. God hated idolatry in the Old Testament (Deuteronomy 5:8), and He still hates it in the New (1 John 5:21). What was immoral in the Old Testament is still immoral in the New.
Thank you
Amen and amen!!!
“I know what I’m about to write will put me in the category of bigot, hater, narrow-minded and a host of other not so loving labels.”
Not by me. It puts you in the category of… biblical and courageous. Thank you for a needed word.