I got this in e-mail the other day. Everyone and their mom has probably already seen it (probably because your mom forwarded it to you). But I have to finish up preparing for a sermon today…so I am going to be a tad lazy with this one. This are however funny. These are real sentences that have either appeared in bulletins or have been said in church:
- The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals.
- The sermon this morning: ‘Jesus Walks on the Water.’ The sermon tonight:’Searching for Jesus.’
- Ladies, don’t forget the rummage sale. It’s a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands.
- Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community. Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say ‘Hell’ to someone who doesn’t care much about you.
- Don’t let worry kill you off – let the Church help.
- Miss Charlene Mason sang ‘I will not pass this way again,’ giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.
- For those of you who have children and don’t know it, we have a nursery downstairs.
- Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.
- At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be ‘What Is Hell?’ Come early and listen to our choir practice.
- Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.
- Scouts are saving aluminium cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.
- Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered.The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and gracious hostility.
- Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM – prayer and medication to follow.
- The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may beseen in the basement on Friday afternoon.
- This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.
- Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10 AM. All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B. S. is done.
- The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the Congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.
- Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please use the back door.
- The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare’s Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 PM. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.
- Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance.
- The Associate Minister unveiled the church’s new campaign slogan last Sunday: ‘I Upped My Pledge – Up Yours.’
