I found this very encouraging. I believe the gentleman that Newton is writing to has cancer. Newton’s struggle is my own:
I hope you will find the Lord present at all times and in all places. When it is so, we are at home every where; when it is otherwise, home is a prison, and abroad a wilderness. I know what I ought to desire, and what I do desire. I point him out to others as the all in all; I esteem him as such in my own judgment; but alas! my experience abounds with complains. He is my sun; but clouds, and sometimes walls, intercept him from my view. He is my strength; yet I am prone to lean upon reeds. He is my friend; but on my part there is such coldness and ingratitude as no other friend could bear. But still he is gracious, and shames me with repeated multiplied goodness. O for a warmer heart, a more simple dependence, a more active zeal, a more sensible deliverance from the effects of this body of sin and death! He helps me in my endeavors to keep the vineyards of others; but, alas! my own does not seem to flourish as some do around me. However, though I cannot say I labor more abundantly than they all, I have reason to say, with thankfulness, By the grace of God, I am what I am. My poor story would soon be much worse, did not he support, restrain, and watch over me every minute. (Newton’s Works, Volume 1, 626)
