Is It True That I Can’t Judge Until I’ve Walked In Your Shoes?

“…you never really know a man until you’ve stood in his shoes and walked around in them…” –Atticus from To Kill a Mockingbird

Which likely came from this Native American Proverb

Don’t judge a man till you have walked two moons in his moccasins? –Native American Proverb

This little proverb has become quite popular in our day. Therefore, we ought to consider, according to the Scriptures, whether or not this saying is true?

The Short Answer

I believe this proverb is largely true. However we no longer understand how to read a proverb. Therefore, it’s mostly unhelpful. (At least until we can learn how to actually apply a proverb again).

A proverb is meant to pack as much truth as possible into a statement for a maximum amount of memorization. It is as Dan Phillips explains, “stripped down to essentials for maximum impact and memorability”. Phillips further explains:

Proverbs by design lays out pointed observations, meant to be memorized and pondered, not always intended to be applied ‘across the board’ to every situation without qualification. (Phillips, God’s Wisdom in Proverbs, 21)

Why the Proverb is Good

This particular proverb is telling us that we should not be hasty in making a judgment. Wisdom will attempt to understand something from another person’s perspective before providing counsel. This is the stuff of James 1 as we are encouraged to be “quick to listen and slow to speak”. We are offered great examples in Job, and some of the apostles like James, John, and Peter, that speak before really understanding a situation.

This proverb is a tremendous tool for someone to consider before offering counsel. It is meant to slow us down—to give us a new set of eyes. It forces us to ask ourselves, “Do I really understand life from their perspective?” If I don’t then I need to ask probing questions to really get a feel for how they see the world.

Why It’s Unhelpful

The helpfulness of this proverb is mostly lost because in our culture the wrong person usually uses it. This proverb is meant to be on the lips of the person getting ready to offer counsel. It is not intended to be on the lips of the person being “judged”. This proverb is not a defense—telling someone that they have no right to speak into your life unless they really understand the situation. The wise person attempts to glean any bit of truth from counsel—even if that counsel is packaged inappropriately.

This proverb is used in our day to tell people that they have no right making any sort of judgment unless they are living that person’s life. That is non-sense.

I’ve never consumed nor been addicted to black tar heroin. But this does not prevent me from offering counsel to a single-mom that is throwing away her life on this drug. I don’t have to live in her world to offer this counsel. Nor even to understand things from her perspective. There are some things that are true no matter what shoes you are wearing or not wearing. One of these truths is that a black tar heroin addiction tends to effect ones ability to mother.

If you have a tendency to be hasty in judgment then use this proverb to slow yourself down. If you are using this proverb any other way, please stop. You aren’t beyond the scope of counsel just because you happen to be going through something that you believe is unique. Let people speak truth into your life even if they don’t fully understand what life looks like from your perspective.