The Evolution of a Blogger

This blog started in 2007. My son was born in 2008. I’m shocked that I’ve been blogging longer than he has been on earth. When I started I had modest ambitions; namely, getting our 35 or so students to check it every couple days. Shortly after starting, I caught the blogging bug and things got serious.

Over time this little blog grew into something bigger. Not much bigger, mind you, but big enough that I realized it could serve one of my idols. You see, I’ve always wanted to be an epic difference maker. Not so that I could make a difference—no, only suckers care about that—I just want people to know that I’m a difference maker. I quickly realized that blogging could turn little guys like me into a somebody.

I became driven to grow my blog.

And it grew. As did my confidence (which was good) but so did my selfish-ambition . (which was bad). Looking back now I see that selfish-ambition invited a few unwelcome visitors into my heart:

1. Controversy. I would post on controversial topics just for the sake of traffic. That’s probably why I’ve written so much against that in the past couple of years.
2. Envy. I’d envy guys that had “made it” in my mind and it would cause my soul to be jaded towards people that I didn’t even know.
3. Anxiety. I would check my email, twitter, blog stats, and everything related on a consistent basis. I could never rest. Even at midnight.
4. Disappointed, discouraged, depressed. There are articles in my archives that I am still proud of. They were solid articles. And only a handful of people read them. This caused me to be disappointed, discouraged, and depressed. I almost gave up writing on a daily basis for a two year span.

Then something changed.

I’m not certain when it changed, but I know that it did. I know that as early as 2010 the Lord began working my heart over. I also know that something clicked at T4G 2012 (check out #2 here). And I know that this post was a culmination of all that the Lord had been showing me since T4G about getting over myself.

By the time that my book was published I am grateful that my heart had changed. In 2010 this would have been a massive milestone of “arrival”. In 2013, I found myself just profoundly grateful and kind of shocked that the Lord chose to use me.

Then the book released to a whimper. I poured my heart and soul into that book with the hopes of God using it to really help people. Honestly, it has barely made a whisper in evangelicalism. Had that happened in 2010 I would have given up and stopped writing altogether. Not now. I’m actually cool with whatever measure of success the Lord gives the book. If God sees fit to use my labor—then so be it.

Something has changed…

Still a Battle

Yet, I’d be lying if I said I don’t still fight a battle. I still get discouraged at times and even—quite shamefully—have moments of envy towards my brothers and sisters in Christ. It’s hard at times to keep grinding and plodding along.

The switch to WordPress from Blogger has been a battle because I’ve lost about a third of my subscribers and about 1500 hits per day. It’s a hard pill to swallow because I  labored so hard to get what audience I had. I feel in some ways like I’m starting back at square one. But my heart is different. And I’m grateful for this.

I know that even though I still battle all of those things that my heart has changed. I’m not anxious anymore. And thoughts of discouragement, quitting, etc. are usually fleeting. For the past year through the power of the Spirit, and the purchases of Christ through His gospel, I’ve worked to remove selfish-ambition from my writing. Here is what I’ve done to cultivate such a heart:

1. Write with others. I’ve added a few more people to our team. This way the blog isn’t my baby it is ours.
2. Seldom check stats. I only glance at my stats every few days. It’s still important to know your audience—but it’s not good to get validation from them. Stats aren’t for validation anymore. They are, hopefully, to help me serve Christ and people better.
3. Turn off immediate gratification. I’m still working on this one. I’ve been trying to turn off email, twitter, facebook, etc. for a few hours after I post something. This way I’m not longing for that instant gratification that comes from people responding to a post, tweet, etc.
4. Get ahead of schedule. This keeps me from posting junk just to post something. If I get ahead I can make sure that what I post is quality.
5. Never forget why I write.

Thanks to all of those that have put up with me for 6 plus years and for those of you that have graciously decided to give me an ear. I appreciate you. And will continue to strive to serve you better.