Why Mark Driscoll Scares Me And What I’m Going To Do About It

I’m not going to bother you with a host of links about the Mark Driscoll saga. I’m going to assume that you are aware of the accusations against him, the recent action of the Acts 29 board, etc. (If you aren’t hip to the Driscoll happenings click here and get updated).

This post is really not much about Mark Driscoll. And truthfully I hope that I’m not somehow guilty of making Driscoll an object lesson or using his name to drive traffic. I pray that isn’t my hearts intention. Yet, as I’ve been reading the daily news of Mark Driscoll I cannot help but be struck by a sort of holy fear. His story scares me because it could so easily be my own story.

Early on in my days of writing and blogging and pastoring I wanted to be like Mark Driscoll. I wanted a spotlight. A legacy. A band of followers. I wanted to be quoted. I wanted to be retweeted. I wanted to set the world on fire.

I’d always been encouraged by these words:

“Set a man on fire and the world will come and watch him burn.”

That was going to be me. My passion for the Lord and for his kingdom was going to be something that would cause people to take notice. I’d be the guy engulfed in flames that people would come see.

A couple years ago the Lord did such a work on my heart that even though I had a growing platform I had a different dream. I cared less about spotlights, legacy building, and blog traffic. But I still cared. I’d be lying if I said I didn’t.

Yet, even though my heart was being subtly rescued from this selfish desire for celebrity a dangerous habit had taken root. I’m still not certain what to call this dangerous habit.

It’s not inauthenticity. The things that I’ve written have been authentic. Even when I write or preach “above my head” I’m still doing so with a desire to be and do the things that I write about.

This has more to do with depth and ownership. What I mean is that when I’m studying the Scriptures, when I’m convicted, when I get ideas, when the Spirit communicates things to my spirit, I have a tendency in those times to quickly write an article about what is going on. (Or write a sermon).

But something happens once I’ve written on a topic; those things I’ve written about seldom get in the deep parts of my heart. They only touch the surface things of my heart. I write on them. I’m passionate about them. I believe them. I mean them. But they touch my heart, hit my fingers, and slip out into the ether of an online community for others to chew on.

What needs to happen is that these things hit my heart, they penetrate deeply, they become part of my character, and then I might write about them. I guess what I am saying is that I’ve been writing and living and preaching and ministering and praying from the top of my heart. I want to write and live and preach and pray and minister from the depth of my heart.

That is why Mark Driscoll scares me. It scares me because I can see how I could easily get to the exact same spot (if I’m not already there and at a worse—though less public—place). I’m not going to pretend that I know the ins and outs of Driscoll’s heart. Nor do I know the steps leading up to this fall. But I do know my own heart and it scares me how easily one can become more a public persona than a real person. I know the emptiness of ministering and relating to the Lord only off the top of my heart. If I can do that with such a tiny platform I can only imagine how great the temptation would be with a big one like Driscoll’s.

And so for that reason…I’ve got to stop. I’ve got to repent. I’ve got to get to a spot where I’m ministering from the depths of my heart again.

What This Means

I’m taking a break. I don’t know for how long (it’s going to be a minimum of about a month). Nick will still be posting his interaction with Richard Sibbes. I’ve got a few Today in Blogworld posts queued up, those will post and then no more for awhile. My wife’s Pray For Your Husband challenge will still post every morning. I’ll still be poking my head in and out of Twitter and Facebook. And if anyone has any guest posts I’ll likely post them. But you will not read anything from my pen for about a month.

From a PR standpoint this comes at a foolish time. Lord willing we’ll be sending out the advanced copy of The Seeds Project to our backers this week. If everything goes as it should The Seeds Project (Volume 1) will be in stores in September or October.

The dumbest thing that someone self-publishing could do in such a season is step away from the keyboard. But I have to. The worst thing that could happen to me at this moment is that I’d keep ministering from the top of my heart and that I’d simultaneously be given a wider platform. It’d kill my soul and it’d eventually hurt those that have given me such a platform. I can’t do that to myself or to you. So I have to step away for a season.

This isn’t goodbye. This is (Lord willing) see you later.