What Does It Mean to Covet?

My son was reading through the 10 Commandments the other day and got tripped up on the last one, “You shall not covet”.

“Daddy, what does it mean to covet?”

“It means…uhmmm…well it means to uh want something really bad. And to want it so bad that its sinful.”

I knew my answer was junk and that my inquisitive little dude would see right through it. “So, if I want a set of LEGO’s for Christmas then that is coveting?” he timidly asked.

“Well, no not quite…it’s…” I stammered.

“Is it if I really want LEGO’s…?” he offered.

I finally told him that I’d have to think it through a bit and get back with him. Truth be told I’ve always struggled with this myself.

Is it Coveting or Not?

Is it wrong for me to go over to a friends house, dig on his television, and wish that I had one like it? Is that coveting?

What if I am encouraged by another marriage and I think to myself, “Man, we’ve got to strengthen our marriage”, is that coveting?

What if I’m frustrated that my dog keeps pooping on the floor and my neighbor has a well-trained dog? If I wish I could trade dogs am I coveting?

When I ask these questions I start to stammer in my own mind and heart. In the past, and if I’m being totally honest, I have mostly gauged covetousness by feelings. Some things just feel out of whack in my heart and I know that I have an inordinate desire.

But how do you answer a six year old when he wants to know whether or not he is coveting? You need something more than just saying, “Well, if your heart feels out of whack then it’s probably coveting”. That doesn’t cut it.

My Definition

And so, as I promised my son, I gave this question a little bit of thought and came back to him with this answer.

Coveting is anytime that I want something so bad that I don’t care whose hand it comes from.

For me this helps to differentiate between the prayers of the persistent widow and the covetous idolater. It isn’t wrong for us to go to our Father with desires. Even if it is for something as silly as a new bike. And to even persistently ask. What matters is the posture of our heart.

If my son wanted a set of LEGO’s really badly and he kept asking me for them, I wouldn’t consider him covetous. I would just say that he had a desire for something that he enjoys. But if he tried to manipulate me (or worse yet, the LORD) to get his toy then he’d be coveting. At this point he wants it so bad he doesn’t care how or whose hand it comes from. This is why Paul says covetousness is idolatry.

Likewise if he resorted to theft or even self-righteousness to try to attain this toy—then it’d reveal a covetous heart. But if he goes in his room and pleads with God to help him get that LEGO set then he isn’t coveting. He is rightly understanding that every good and perfect gift comes from His Father.

How would you define coveting to a six year old? How do you settle this in your own heart?