Cursed be the day on which I was born! The day when my mother bore me, let it not be blessed! Cursed be the ma who brought the news to my father, ‘A son is born to you,’ making him very glad…Why did I come out of the womb to see toil and sorrow, and spend my days in shame? –Jeremiah 20:14-15, 18
Wow, that dude is having a really bad day. What must the prophet be going through to make him say something like this?
Mocked by the people he is trying to help? Check.
Seeing the death of loved ones, and this by their own ignorance? Check.
Being put in stocks by a priest? Check.
Intense suffering with the promise of more difficulties to come? Check.
Now all of these things have Jeremiah cursing the day he was born. His life has been marked by sorrow and shame. But I’m convinced that none of these are really the thing that has him so down. I think it’s what he says here:
O LORD, you have deceived me, and I was deceived; you are stronger than I, and you have prevailed. I have become a laughingstock all the day; everyone mocks me. For whenever I speak, I cry out, I shout, “Violence and destruction!” For the word of the LORD has become for me a reproach and derision all day long. If I say, “I will not mention him, or speak any more in his name,” there is in my heart as it were a burning fire shut up in my bones, and I am weary with holding it in, and I cannot. (Jeremiah 20:7-9 ESV)
Jeremiah wants to keep his mouth shut. He knows by doing so his suffering will be diminished. God has called him to speak really uncomfortable words and it has gotten him put in stocks. And so he wants to just keep quiet but the Lord won’t let him. The suffering of silence and unfaithfulness is worse than the suffering of speech.
Now, I’ll confess, there have been some Monday’s or Thursday’s where I’ve dreamed about having a job doing something else. Anything. I’d even take a job which required walking behind elephants with a shovel and a bag.
And my suffering is nothing like what Jeremiah experienced. I haven’t seen anything yet. But I’ve seen enough to at least feel a little bit of what the prophet is experiencing. You know if you are silent that this fire in your bones will be burn you from the inside out. But you also know if you speak that things might not go so well. It seems in these moments like the best thing is just to walk away. The best solution would have been to just never have been born. Then you wouldn’t have this great burden upon your shoulders.
That’s what it feels like sometimes to be a pastor.
I’m sharing this for two reasons.
First, for those who aren’t pastors. Now before I get to the point of application let me tell you that I’m slightly sick of articles like the one I’m writing here. We pastors shouldn’t be whining and pretending like we have unique suffering. Yes, we have suffering unique to pastors, but isn’t this true of each job. When I had to clean toilets at Chick-fil-A I considered that a unique form of suffering.
Having said that, there really is a massive burden placed upon pastors. We really do feel at times like Jeremiah. So, pray for your pastor. Pray that his ministry among you will be a joy. Pray that this fire in his bones will not lead to persecution but to a joyous reception of what God is doing in our midst. Pray too that if it does lead to suffering that the suffering of silence will outweigh the suffering of persecution—in other words, that he will boldly proclaim God’s Word no matter what it means.
Secondly, to pastors. You aren’t alone. And just because you feel this way it doesn’t mean you aren’t being faithful. You might not even need to change a thing. Perhaps God has given you a season just like Jeremiah.
Take heart, our suffering is not in vain. God is doing something through us weak vessels. Our suffering is preparing for us something unique in glory. Keep pressing on. Don’t try to quench that fire in your bones to avoid suffering. Ministry is tough but its worth it. You don’t want to lose that fire, no matter what pain it might cause.
Jesus is worth it.
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