Balm for the Weary Soul

I’m struggling to find the right words to say what I’m hoping to say here. 2 Timothy 4:14-18 has been such a balm for my soul lately. But in order to explain why it has been such a tremendous blessing to me I have to talk about the yucks and the fears accompanying pastoral ministry. Yet, I don’t want to be one of those dues who groans and complains about pastoral ministry. Pastoral whining isn’t one of the spiritual gifts.

So please bear with me for a moment as I walk through the mire and muck so that I can get to the beauty of 2 Timothy 4:14-18.

I’ve been battling feelings of loneliness. At this stage it is just feelings. But there is something about uprooting your family and moving hours away from everyone you know that is rather unsettling. You meet new friends. You build new relationships that will be deep and meaningful, and thankfully you are able to hang onto old friends that you treasure. But there at these beginning stages in a new place it’s tough.

There is an old story, that is probably reality in a thousand different churches, of an angry old deacon who says to the young preacher, “Young man, I’ve outlasted the ten preachers before you and I’m going to outlast you as well.” In other words, “I won’t be the one experiencing change…you will. You’ll be the one who has to uproot your family again. I’m staying right here.”

And he’s right. We pastors who aren’t homegrown but transported in, really are outsiders. By the grace of God we become family. We build those deep relationships that will last into eternity—but at the end of the day we don’t share the same history of place as most of our congregation. So, at least in this young pastor’s heart, there is an under current of fear that there is always present a real possibility that my family and I will end up alone again.

I share all of that to say this is why 2 Timothy 4:14-18 has been ministering so deeply to my soul. Because Paul found himself absolutely alone. “Alexander the coppersmith did me great harm”, Paul says. We don’t know the details but every pastor will likely have his own ‘Alexander’. And for some we might experience verse 16, “no one came to stand by me, but all deserted me”. I pray that I never experience that first hand. But it’s a possibility, and if a pastor let’s the devil focus his eyes on that possibility you’ll have many sleepless nights.

I’m convinced this little snippet from the life of Paul is in our Bible to help pastors like me go to sleep at night. Because Paul experienced the very thing I’m afraid of and he was “rescued from the lion’s mouth”. Here are four lessons I’m learning from this passage.

1. Bitterness is not an option. We see in verse 16 that everybody left Paul. If I had written 2 Timothy I think I’d have made a list of the deserters and prayed that funny prayer about God turning the ankles of our enemies so we can see them by their limp. But Paul doesn’t do that. Paul, just like Jesus and the godly Stephen he martyred before him, prayed that God would forgive his deserters. This is the heart of a pastor.
2. The Lord will stand by me. Isn’t this enough? My goal is to be faithful to the Lord and to humbly and boldly preach His Word. If he says, “Well done” and everyone else leaves then His commendation will sustain me. My fear creeps in when I’m wanting more than His applause.
3. His strengthening me has a purpose. Paul says that the Lord stood by him and strengthened him, “so that through me the message might fully be proclaimed…” If I make my life and my ministry about me then I’m going to have sleepless nights and every bad thing that happens is going to be traumatic. But if my singular aim is to see God glorified and His gospel be preached, this is an unstoppable mission. He isn’t strengthening me to make stronger and  happier—he’s likely doing it to pour me out again.
4. He will bring me safely home. There will be no evil deed against me which will ultimately stick. Nothing that happens can shatter my foundation. Even if totally deserted and kicked to the curb. Even if I become a ministry statistic. The Lord “will rescue me from every evil deed and bring me safely into his heavenly kingdom”. This allows me to minister with boldness and reckless abandon. It’s not ministry results that will bring me safely home—it’s Him. And because my security is wrapped up in His unchanging character I have an unshakeable hope.

I think what Paul says here can provide comfort to anyone. Not just us pastors. But as a pastor I’m really finding nourishment from this. I pray that this little reflection will nourish another weary soul as it has mine.

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