How to Live with the Unappeasable Unbeliever

I remember as a young man hearing the plea of Rodney King. “Can’t we all just get along”. I think my generation really took this to heart. Part of the reason why you see some precious doctrines thrown out is motivated by a deep desire to get along. We assume from the Scriptures that Jesus’ primary call is for us to live in peace and so we conclude (quite wrongly) that anything which gets in the way of “getting along” is of the enemy.

But a strange thing has happened. As we’ve pulled up the anchors of biblical truth we are finding that the smooth waters aren’t so smooth. We live in a culture of outrage while we somehow say with straight face that we all just want to get along. We’ve actually become quite unappeasable. We will tolerate certain sins. But there are some things which are absolutely unforgivable; standing on truth being one of the most dastardly sins of all of them.

Believers who desire to believe God’s Word and to drop anchor there find ourselves in a strange spot. The Spirit of peace within us does desire to live at peace with everyone but our culture will have none of it until we lay down our offensive truths. They are, as 2 Timothy 3 predicted, quite unappeasable.

So what do you do? What do you do when someone absolutely refuses to live in peace with you—at least so long as you are hanging on to biblical truth?

I’m assuming here that you aren’t actually being a goober and holding onto the truth like a jerk. I’m assuming that you are being winsome and loving and properly seeking any forgiveness where you’ve sinned against this person. I’m assuming that your heart’s desire is for reconciliation and to live at peace with your neighbor, but he/she is unappeasable. No matter what you do this person is not going to be appeased.

Here are a few pointers:

1. Don’t be surprised. Jesus said that we would have persecution. Paul told us that the lost world would become increasingly unappeasable. Heed the words of Peter and don’t be surprised by this fiery trial which has come upon you. Be prepared, even now.
2. Pray for them. Jesus taught us to pray for those who persecute us. This includes those who refuse to forgive us (whether there is an actual offense or not). We can continue to pray that God will change their heart and they will embrace the forgiveness offered by Christ.
3. Make every effort to life at peace. Continue to pursue reconciliation as much as is fitting. Work toward peace and reconciliation with this person. Keep the doors of communication open as much as possible. Keep serving and showing the love of Christ. Though they may not listen to your lips your life can speak volumes, so that by God’s grace they’ll hear what is coming from your lips.
4. Don’t let bitterness creep in. When we ask for forgiveness and it isn’t granted that is painful. And any place in our heart which is holding onto pain is fertile ground for bitterness to grow. Likewise, if someone is persecuting us when we are innocent, look out for the roots of bitterness.
5. Rest in God’s forgiveness of you. Perhaps you (or the other person) will die while this relationship is still fractured. Unless the heart of the unappeasable is changed you’ll never live in that reconciliation you desire. Until they too treasure God’s Word you won’t be able to “get along” on the most important matters of life. But their lack of forgiveness is not a determiner of God’s forgiveness of you. So rest in that which cannot be taken—in that which is steady and not shifting because of your union with Christ.

You are responsible for loving Jesus and sharing His truth with gentleness and respect. We are called to love others and to make every effort to live at peace. We are not called to sacrifice truth on the alter of “getting along”. The unappeasable—the culture of outrage—will always outrage, there is no amount of truth that you pour out on the altar which will ever appease their wrath. So don’t go down that path. Hang on to the truth of Jesus—the One who has already forgiven you.

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