On Ministry Envy

There is a paragraph in Zack Eswine’s The Imperfect Pastor that is a dagger to my soul almost every time I read it or remember it. Eswine shares of two pastors who both shared a heart for the same city. One old-timer and another newcomer to the area. They joined together in praying for one another and encouraged each other in their ministries. Eswine concludes the story:

Then years later, the one who had come first serves as pastor of an ‘ordinary’ church. Its two hundred-plus members demonstrate the love of Jesus in ways that did not exist there ten years earlier. The newcomer who came second pastors an ‘epic’ church. Its thousands of members and multiple sites around the city demonstrate the love of Jesus in ways that did not exist there ten years earlier. The prayers of both men were answered.

Why then is one of them sad? Why then does one of them receive our invitations to speak at our conferences and give us advice?

I thought of this quote again earlier this week. I felt envy creeping up in my heart as I walked the campus of a beautiful church. I know that other pastors face problems just as I do. I know that there is no such thing as a perfect church. But their problems feel more manageable. They have things in their church that I don’t have where I serve. I look at the freedom with which they seem to be able to minister and I mourn how hard it is to fly when you are stuck to the carpet by rolls of red tape.

In moments like these I preach the gospel to myself…or at least that is what I pretend like I do. In reality I stuff those inappropriate feelings and try to distract myself with biblical truth. But I know stuffing doesn’t equal actually dealing with sin and seeing it slaughtered at the cross. In truth, I’m merely storing it away for a later day, as a beautifully wrapped present to enjoy at my next pity party.

God’s Word doesn’t give me permission to whine about my cross. It calls me to pick up my cross just as Jesus did. “Who for the joy set before him endured the Cross, scoring its shame…” And the only way to do this is to have eyes fixed on the Savior. But there is a stinging rebuke for my envious heart in Hebrews 12:1 as well.

“And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us,”

There is a specific race that God has designed for me to run. What this means is that all those other races are not mine to run. God isn’t calling me to the ministry that I am envying. For me to be there would be for me to stunt my growth in sanctification. This course is the one designed for me to become more like Jesus.

I’m rebuked by what my envy says about my heart. Whenever I’m given over to envy I am communicating that I’d like to run in a lane different than the one God set before me. I’m either saying that I know better than God. Or I’m saying that God knows better but I’d still rather choose the one that looks a bit smoother to my eyes. In other words, I’m trading off Christ-likeness for comfort. Neither of these options are good.

There is also encouragement in this passage. There is a race marked before me that has been tailor-made by my Father. He is with me through every hill and valley. I’m not running the race alone. And the One I’m running with isn’t running it for the first time. He’s already walked these paths before. He knows that the road of suffering leads to glory and eternal joy.

If I really want to be more like Jesus then I’ll joyously run in the lane he has set before me. Faithfulness today with eyes fixed on Jesus and feet churning.

—

Photo source: here