Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers. For what partnership has righteousness with lawlessness? Or what fellowship has light with darkness? –2 Corinthians 6:14
As a youth pastor this was a pretty common verse I pulled out of my repertoire. The logic was pretty sound. We should not be dating except for the purpose of marriage. When you marry someone you are united to them. You should not, according to 2 Corinthians 6:14, be married to an unbeliever (provided that you are a believer at the time of your marriage). Therefore, 2 Corinthians 6:14 teaches that you should not date unbelievers.
But is that really what Paul is teaching in this passage? A few questions. First, who are the unbelievers? Secondly, what does it mean to be “unequally yoked” with them? We can come to those answers by considering the context.
Looking at the context of 2 Corinthians it is clear that a discussion about marriage and dating is far from his mind. In fact what appears to be an odd change in topic in 6:14-7-1 is so abrupt some have come to the conclusion this text isn’t in the original. But if you read this passage simply for what it’s saying it is not so abrupt.
In 6:13, Paul calls on the Corinthians to “open wide your hearts”. The other side of that is to “not be unequally yoked with unbelievers”. As an example, if someone hated my wife and I remained there best friend, you would be right to question my dedication to my wife. How can the Corinthians “open wide their heart” to Paul while at the same time be in close partnership with the false teachers who gave him so much trouble? They couldn’t. It wouldn’t be a fruit of their repentance to continue being best buds with these false teachers.
So the “unbelievers” in the most immediate context are the false teachers giving Paul so much trouble. How then would the Corinthians be unequally yoked to the false teachers? I appreciate the wording of Scott Hafemann:
…to be ‘yoked together’ is not a technical term referring specifically to a legal or culturally binding act (like getting married or joining the army, though such events may indeed represent such an act). Rather, it is a metaphor referring to any kind of joint participation, formal or informal, that significantly forms one’s own identity. To be ‘yoked together’ is to take on the identity of those who are joined together for a common goal or task. It is to be someone’s ‘ally’.
So the nearest application is to say that Paul is calling the Corinthians to separate from the unbelievers who are seeking to divide the church from within. Don’t be the ally of those who are calling themselves “brother” or “sister” but are rending the church asunder. His fundamental concern then isn’t with our relationship with those “outside” but with those “within”.
I write this because I think there is a way in which many of us more conservative-minded Christians can think we are obeying this passage all the while ignoring it’s nearest application. I appreciate these words from JC Ryle:
To argue with our unconverted relatives, to “avoid” all our old friends, to withdraw entirely from mixed society, to live an exclusive life, to give up every act of courtesy and civility in order that we may devote ourselves to the direct work of Christ–all this may seem very right, and may satisfy our consciences and save us trouble. But I venture a doubt whether it is not often a selfish, lazy, self-pleasing line of conduct, and whether the true cross and true line of duty may not be to deny ourselves, and adopt a very different course of action.
What Ryle is saying is that taking this passage (and 2 Corinthians 6:17) to mean that we need to avoid mixing with the world might not be a mark of holiness but one of laziness. This passage isn’t a call to not rub shoulder and be deeply involved in the lives of unbelievers. It’s instead a call to take holiness seriously within the church. It’s a call of the separation of church discipline far more than it’s a call of isolating from the lost world for the sake of not being marred by the filth of sin.
But is it applicable to say that Christians shouldn’t date an unbeliever? Personally, I believe you can make some very good arguments from Scripture that it isn’t wise to do such a thing. Given what marriage means and what our union with Christ means I’m not sure why a believer would want to unite with someone who is not united to Christ. But I don’t believe you can use 2 Corinthians 6:14 as a command to not date an unbeliever.
Don’t read me wrong. It’s not wise for a Christian to date (and especially marry) someone with such divergent goals. You are asking for heart break. It will also greatly hinder your ability to engage in kingdom causes. And I do believe a far application of 2 Corinthians 6:14 would be for believers to strongly consider the way in which we enter into union with unbelievers. But let’s not think we’ve fully obeyed 2 Corinthians 6:14 just because we don’t smoke, chew, curse, or go with girls who do.
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I just had this conversation with one of my men. We are yoked all the time to unbelievers in society. We are required to be connected to them. “in the world, but not of the world.” It is very clearly a spiritual connection in the context. I don’t even think it is primarily talking about marriage. In some cultures marriages are arranged and when an unbeliever and a believer marry in such situations it is not sin on the believers part. This is very clearly aimed at the heart.
Hi Mike, I always enjoy your blog. (-: You make some good points here. However, using the analogy of faith by reading and comparing Scripture with Scripture, I would say it is a sin to date or especially marry an unbeliever. This is because of something Paul says in First Corinthians. 39 A woman is bound to her husband as long as he lives. “But if her husband dies, she is free to marry anyone she wishes, but HE MUST belong to the Lord.” (1 Corinthians 7:39) Whether one wants to couple this verse with 2 Corinthians or not, the point is clear. And then, just go into the Old Testament and look at all of God’s warnings against marrying pagan women of the gentile nations (think Solomon in particular here). The warning was given so that these men would not be drawn toward other gods. And we see the tragic results in Scripture when that command was disobeyed.
So, in conclusion, I would say that it is clearly a sin to date or marry an unbeliever. Scripturally speaking, I don’t see any way to defend any other position. Make sense?
I completely agree. Notice my last two paragraphs and also the way the title is worded. I’m ONLY saying that 2 Corinthians 6:14 isn’t fundamentally about whether or not we ought to date unbelievers. Given the passages you site among others I always counsel believers away from marrying/dating unbelievers.
Malachi 2:11-15 is my go-to passage for this. Marrying a follower of a foreign god is called “profane”, “faithless”, and an “abomination”, and also mentions that one main purpose of marriage is to produce “godly offspring”. That doesn’t jive with interfaith marriage. Lots of other passages or applications of wisdom can be cited to discourage Christians from dating non-Christians.
Whether “in context” Paul is talking specifically about marriage or not,is really not the point in the teaching of unequal yoked marriage! it is by inference that marriage is one of the things that would be included in this teaching as it is the “ultimate” yoke! Just take it to its natural conclusion..the husband is to be “head of the wife” in the marriage, why would a wife marry someone who does not have the Holy Spirit to lead her??? This is a very specious article! The principal of “like faith” yoke in marriage is taught in both old, and new testaments!
Just to be clear, the last two paragraphs of my article are important. This article isn’t titled Should Christians Date an Unbeliever? I’m not addressing that. I’m saying very specifically does 2 Corinthians 6:14 teach that. And I don’t believe it’s PRIMARY function is to teach that. Can you perhaps make a far application from that principle? Yep. But so many who preach/teach on this passage go straight to talking about dating/marriage when Paul has something different in mind. And we aren’t doing justice to the text by not addressing the NEAR application of the passage.