“I do not believe that God should care what two consenting adults do in their own bedrooms”.
You are tasked with helping this person develop a healthy sexual ethic. How do you respond to this?
First, you need to understand the specific nature of this objection. Are they saying, “I don’t believe Jesus teaches this…” or are they saying, “I believe Jesus teaches this but I don’t agree with him.” If it’s the former, then your first step is to search the Scriptures together and develop a healthy sexual ethic.
Let’s say, though, that it’s actually the latter view. They believe that the Bible does in fact teach that but they don’t agree with it. What do you do?
One option is to find resources which will put together arguments to show why a biblical sexual ethic is actually good for them to embrace. Our middle school assemblies were filled with these points. We were given scare speeches about STD’s. And when I became a Christian, groups like True Love Waits filled in some of those gaps and promised great marital sex for those who waited.
Let’s imagine that this person is convinced of the arguments and now decides that it will give her a much better life to embrace a biblical sexual ethic. Did you do your job? Have you won her over?
I would argue that you haven’t. And this, I would argue, is why young people are “leaving the faith” in droves. Our counsel has not actually dealt with root issues. Let me explain.
She came into this discussion with an idea that “it doesn’t matter what two people do in their own bedrooms”. You gave her a resource that changed her idea to something like this: “it is better for our sexuality for two people to follow God’s rules”. But the root issue was never dealt with. She is still being driven by “her idea”. Her authority structure never changed. She just changed opinions and you helped her change those opinions. This is no different than your housecat. House cats never actually obey. They just on occasion agree with you.
And this is why folks are abandoning biblical sexual ethics altogether after they painfully realize the overpromises from Christian purity culture. For many, it wasn’t about submission to Christ it was more about submission to Christ as a means to something else. And when that “something else” collapses so does the argument which led them to embrace biblical sexual ethics.
“…do in their own bedrooms.”
That’s the core issue. It’s not their own bedrooms. Our bodies belong to the Lord. I agree with Lore Wilbert in her book Handle With Care:
What would have been more helpful for me at twelve years old, as well as fifteen, twenty, twenty-five, or thirty was to understand my fidelity was not primarily to my future spouse or to a purity movement. My fidelity was to the God who made my body for my good and His glory. (149)
Christ has authority of our bodies. And it doesn’t really matter if I fully understand or totally agree with what he is saying about sexuality. I obey His Word because not only is Jesus the authority over me but also because I trust him more than I trust my own ideas. (See also Rules Without Reasons). If his view confronts my own—I change my view, not the other way around. And until that heart change happens convincing someone of our arguments is just delaying an inevitable rebellion.
The great battle for humanity isn’t so much, “do I agree with Christ?” but rather “do I trust Christ more than myself”. There is a great deal of difference between those two. And our discipleship needs to be foundationally geared towards the latter.
—
Photo source: here
