A few months ago we were shocked by news of another pastor who had committed suicide. More than one article/reflection began with these words: “Another pastor has taken his life…”
Another.
Those words are painful. There is something that happens in the heart of us pastors when we hear of another of our fellows taking this route. You’d perhaps be shocked to know of how many of us pastors have been at those really dark places where we can identify with such a decision. I don’t really want to write another article about a pastor who committed suicide. But I think there is a part of pastoral ministry which needs to be shared.
A Scary Part of Pastoral Ministry
Can I tell you one of the scariest things about pastoral ministry? It’s that at any given moment a mass of people can stop giving you the benefit of the doubt. That’s incredibly scary because almost every action a person takes could be viewed through a negative lens.
This is true of every person but a pastor tends to live under a microscope. And pastors will mess up. Several times. James 4:2 says this much. But this is compounded when someone decides to view you with eyes of suspicion instead of eyes of grace. Of course, this happens when a relationship erodes. And this is heightened all the more in our present season, where a communicable disease has created difficulty in deepening relationships with one another and has simultaneously given rise to the necessity for pastors to make far-reaching decisions mostly on their own. That’s a volatile combination.
I believe this erosion of relationship is what happened to Paul in 2 Corinthians. A critic really could view his actions towards them and throw shade upon his character. If you give him the benefit of the doubt you could see things as they actually were. But viewed through a carnal lens—one that wanted to find something wrong with his actions there was plenty of evidence to be found.
This is why you absolutely cannot have pleasing men as the foundation of your ministry. It’ll make you insane. Pastor, you don’t have control of whether or not your people will listen to you with hope-filled love. You can do everything you can to build relationships and win their hearts but at the end of the day this isn’t something you can control. Nor can you be perfect enough to never give your critics fodder. Your entire ministry will be made up of a mixed bag of helpful things and unhelpful things. What more can we expect as mere men?
Viewing Your Pastor With Eyes of Hope
But I’m actually not writing today only to encourage pastors who are on the receiving end of flaming darts. I also want to encourage those who might be looking at others with suspicion or anger. Listen, if you are looking for fodder to fill up a cannon to blow away your teachers then you’re going to be given plenty of ammunition. But wouldn’t you rather be looking for the fingerprints of Jesus and picking up shards of hope?
I began this article talking about pastoral suicide. Do you know how somebody gets to that spot? It’s a lack of hope. It’s a place of despair. There is certainly much to be said about the darkness of depression and suicide, but for many it comes from seeing no path which leads to joy. And that feeling is heightened when your job, as pastor, is to be a hope-giver. When your attempts at spreading hope are met with anger and suspicion, then avenues which should be joyous are darkened.
Most view suicide as the most selfish of choices. And it probably is. But I don’t believe that is what is going through their mind in that moment. They are viewing it as the ultimate selfless act. Darkness has so twisted their view of reality that the only remnant of hope they can give is to cease existing. It’s a last ditch effort to finally do some good. Of course that is not true. Suicide will only bring pain. It is not the path of redemption and healing. It tells a lie about the goodness of God and the hope of Christ. But it’s hard to see that when the seeds of hope you tried to scatter were met with angry opposition.
I want to be clear here. I am not by any means throwing the weight of a pastor’s identity upon the congregation. You cannot bear it. If the pastor’s anchor isn’t Christ then no amount of hope you can offer will soothe. But I’ll be blunt and say that I do think congregations may bear some of the responsibility for pastoral suicide. Not always. We’re talking about complex things here. But to the degree which the pastor was viewed with suspicion and not hope, I believe a congregant bears responsibility for not properly loving their pastor. Love hopes all things. Thankfully, Christ is able to restore us in our failures of love. But in some instances deep repentance needs to take place.
I write this for two reasons. One, to plead with congregations for my fellow pastors. Yes, there are awful men and women out there filling pulpits. They will be exposed. No injustice is eternal. Yet, the vast majority of pastors love Jesus, love people, and are working to spread the hope of the gospel. To view a pastor with hope instead of suspicion will cause us to thrive. Seriously.
Secondly, I write this for pastors who are feeling this awful weight in this dark season. I’ve found a ton of encouragement from this song by Cory Asbury:
You are loved. Not because you are a pastor. Not because you have it all figured out. Not because you’re knocking it out of the park. But because Jesus has purposed to set His affections upon you. Rest today.
But I also have one little exhortation. View your congregation with eyes of hope and give them the benefit of the doubt.
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It’s not lost on me that wicked people could take an article such as this and use it to continue a system of abuse. There is MORE than just this which needs to be said. But as a general rule, I do believe Christians are to be people of hope and not jaded and suspicious. The solution here isn’t for good people to be more jaded but for bad people to stop being abusive.
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