Within moments of perusing your social media feed you’ll be attuned to the outrage of the day. We live in a world of strife. And yet Proverbs 20:3 tells us:
It is an honor for a man to keep aloof from strife,
but every fool will be quarreling.
The word which is translated “keep aloof” is a word that either means to “sit” or “cease”. It either means don’t start the fight in the first place or if you’re in a quarrel walk away from the fight. To “keep aloof” is to stand still.
For those of us who hate confrontation, this is a phenomenal verse to misuse. If I’ve created strife in a relationship this is a good verse to hide behind so as not to deal with the issues which I’ve caused. And if the other person brings it up, I can clobber them with this passage.
It’s also a great verse to encourage passivity in the face of the suffering of others. I can combine this one with Proverbs 26:17 and convince myself that entering into a quarrel not my own is the height of foolishness.
For those reasons I absolutely love this proverb for keeping me out of taking responsibility for confronting the strife I ought to be fixing. But this isn’t a favorite verse for those times when my own honor is besmirched. Now that is a quarrel that is my own and one which I ought to enter in to—and try to reign victorious.
When I encounter Jesus in the New Testament it seems that he uses Proverbs 20:3 almost the exact opposite as I do. He doesn’t seem to ever be fighting for His own honor. Sure, he’ll clear up misconceptions. But his table flipping adventures seem to be reserved for defending others.
Because, you see, while it might appear that defending the vulnerable is “entering into a quarrel that is not your own” it’s actually quite the opposite. We are called to fight for the vulnerable.
And Jesus calls us in Matthew 5:23-24 to enter into the strife of broken relationships before we even go into worship. Proverbs 20:3 doesn’t give me an out when I’m the one who caused the strife. Rather Proverbs 20:3 tells me to be slow to fighting for my own honor and reputation. This includes fighting for my tribe.
Being absolutely dedicated to defending our own honor has a tendency to diminish it in the eyes of others. We do far better to fight for the honor of others and leave our own up to the Lord. Walking away from a fight, especially a fight that you could win, is the path to honor.
This is the proper use of Proverbs 20:3.
