I finally have a bit of an answer (at least for now) to one of the questions that has stuck in my craw for well over a decade. Why have some of the most dedicated “Christians” been the ones who have done me the most harm?
Let me explain a little better. I’m not talking about a mere professor. I’m talking about those who read the Bible daily, faithfully attend church, do missions, engage in small groups, witness to others, etc., etc.
I understand how some of those can be smokescreens to hide deplorable behavior. The dude in Matthew 7 that Jesus “depart from me” seems to have been quite the missionary. Sadly, it doesn’t shock me if a pastor or other religious leader is a wretch behind closed doors. I’ve seen it far too many times. That’s an awful and harmful thing—but it’s not what has perplexed me.
I’m talking about the person who faithfully engages in spiritual disciplines—those things that are supposed to form you in the way of Jesus. How can someone claim to be a believer in Jesus, speak forth true doctrine, read the Word daily, pray daily, and be some of the most angry, hurtful, narrow-minded, and wicked people you ever come across?
You see, I don’t believe these people to necessarily be insincere. When they say they love Jesus—there is certainly something or Someone that they love that has at least some semblance of the God I see in the Bible. How are they still so awful? Are the spiritual disciplines simply not working? Is the whole thing a sham? Is Jesus powerless to save and change people?
Deformed
This is where the words of John Mark Comer, in Practicing the Way, have proven helpful. Comer says,
If a person’s vision of God is distorted—if they view him as harsh, demeaning, or chronically angry…or as liberal, laissez-faire, and simply there to champion their sexual pleasure—the more religious they become, the worse they become. Because we become like who we believe God is. (John Mark Comer, Practicing the Way, 104)
There it is. That’s why. Or rather how.
As I think about the way these people have talked about God, almost without fail they believe God to be something like an angry taskmaster. Their anger and hurt towards me is only a reflection of their distortion of the living God. Their God is harsh and demeaning. Therefore, the more Bible study they do—the more they will become harsh and demeaning. Their religious practices are forming them into a distortion rather than reality.
Help From 1 John
Notice carefully what I’m not saying. I’m not making a judgment on whether or not they are legitimately saved. That’s not my call. And the painful reality is that I could just as easily have described myself.
I too have distortions of the living God. And I too am not properly formed into the image of Christ in the areas where this is true. That means there are people that I hurt with my sin. My sin towards another person might be just as much of a barrier to faith for someone else.
I hate this.
I had a sermon illustration last week involving an onion and a lamp. In 1 John 1:7 there is a present tense verb that alludes to a continual cleansing that Jesus does in our life. That cleansing happens when we “walk in the light”.
I don’t think in 1 John the “light” is only a reference to morality. I think it’s even more about the self-revealing nature of God. To walk in the light, then, for a sinner is to be honest about who we are—warts and all.
I took an onion and wrote some words on the outside. Those outward sins that we tend to struggle with. When they are brought into the light, Jesus exposes them. We experience conviction and then we fly to Jesus for cleansing.
But what happens under the light is that the Spirit also begins to peel back layers. The outer layer might be something like “yell at people in traffic”. But as God continues to work—the questions get more difficult. Transformation isn’t simply about stopping road rage. It’s about getting to the core of the ways we have distorted the image of God. Why do you get angry in traffic?
Now we’ve got another layer exposed. And the Spirit keeps doing this hard work. In each step of this we carry with us distortions of God. And some gods don’t die so easily.
This is why someone can be very sincere in something like evangelism, reading Scripture, praying the sweetest prayers, and then turn around and throat punch you “for the glory of God”. Some parts have been brought under the light and those layers have been peeled and cleansed. But in some areas—they haven’t. And those are the ones that hurt.
Conclusion
All this to say, none of our stories has been completed. Even at death (in a sense). They haven’t yet had Jesus’ final and ultimately transformative word spoken over them.
This helps me to understand some of the hurt. It allows me to celebrate the redemption that I see in my life, and the life of others. But it also allows me to truly grieve and acknowledge the hurt that comes when we encounter distortions of God in the hands of another, as well as in our own life.
By God’s grace I’ll probably fill out some of these thoughts a bit more. But for now, it’s been healing to think through this.
